Daily thoughts

I bought another tool, for AI search, for being found when people do AI searches. I am actually quite tickled by it. Of course, I am still trying to use a few other tools, but I am done for now.

I don't think I am in a good place. I don't know what's next. I don't know what's now. I don't have the gushing love for the other practitioners of my profession that some of our prize recipients shared yesterday. I have an intellectual respect for the law. I like to think that I am aware when I am getting in over my head again, but I am not sure that is so.

I can't find my little calendar to keep track on, though I have been trying to do the work.

I was the tenth and last at this morning's minyan. That also left me empty.

I finished my challenge. I only had a thousand meters left. I did it during a bathroom break in a Zoom conversation this morning.

I think the tree I thought was a white oak is actually a pin oak. I still call it Brutus. My birch at the office is growing, and another one might be, but I am not sure if is the birch, or just something adjacent.

I don't think I like myself. Maybe it is just that I don't like where I am because of the choices I made that put me here. Maybe it is that I don't display the discipline, especially around calendar, that would make life more productive. Maybe it's that I feel I am yelling into an echo chamber.

I left my coffee urn at the office; so I can't premake coffee for shabbat and not have the pot just boil everything off. I could probably make a lid of a cup lid. I have had one in the past. It would probably work, but I don't care anymore.

I started writing a book. I don't know who I am trying to convince that the world is good and that children are the best adventure a person can have. Maybe it's just because I have been too much of a coward to adventure in other ways.

That's enough. I am only depressing myself more.

You should have a good week.

It is still day 43. I am still counting with a blessing. Woop de do…

I feel like an f'ing unicorn. I went to the Greater Bridgeport Bar dinner yesterday. It got a little political at my table. You can guess the balance. The civil war was all about slavery. But we had slavery too, but it wasn't the same. It was a war between the states, not a civil war. Distinction lost. What does government do better: hand out health care. The dude whose nephew is on Husky (state paid insurance) gets whatever the doctor says. Others have to fight for approvals.

I felt very much the outsider. I know it's my own conversation, but there were many born in Bridgeport. I am just a late interloper. The fifty year acknowledgements and the achievement awards were in three out of five cases presented by children who seemed to adore their parents.

It is nicer to get to know people because of an award than at the funeral where you'd say to yourself “I wish I'd known the guy.”

I woke first earlier, but must have fallen back to sleep. It's now time for synagogue. I'm meeting mom to walk after.

I made it sub 230 a few times this week, but yesterday's meal with salad and Brussels Sprouts pushed me over again.

I have also rowed 12 of the 13 ranking pieces for this ranking year. I should have no problem get the 13th in today. I like doing them all at least once during the world Marathon Challenge, which ends today.

It is the 43rd day of the Omer. There's something to that, but I don't really think I am getting that either.

I mean to write and end up doing everything else. At least this time I got some service request messages done and more than 400 e-mails deleted, and noticed that I missed a CLE last Tuesday, and that I missed the deadline to sign up for our Bar dinner. I'll call tomorrow. I'd have to bring my own food anyway at this point in time.

I don't want to write. I don't want to row. I binge watch stupid television and don't sleep enough. I am not taking care of myself.

I rowed anyway, but I also ate a ton of stuffing.

This was to a friend. I think you know the context

You looked absolutely miserable.

I hope it was just a moment and not every moment.

I wish I could say something to make it better, but anything I think of falls flat.

I hope you can find some joy, a reason to laugh, maybe just a moment of peace in a fresh spring breeze.

If there's anything I can do, feel free to be in touch.

I am a pretty decent coach, but never was successful monetizing it. If you need an ear outside of your normal circle, don't hesitate to be in touch.

You just took me down memory lane and I found this, from shortly after my son, then 18, told me he was trans, whatever that meant. He had agreed he wouldn't medicalize before he got the emotional issues/depression worked out, but he lied.

I also freshened up my truck signage. Apparently, Sharpie isn't as permanent as one might hope.

It occurred to me that I was once as smart as you are now. That kind of reminds me of a line from an old hippie tune: “I was so much older then, I am younger than that now.” The song is My Back Pages by Bob Dylan, though I am much more familiar with the Byrd's rendition.

The point is your wisdom, your pain, your exquisite, your blistering, your excruciating, your explosive, your uniquely you experience has been the experience of most people who have gone through your stage of life. Some missed parts because they skipped their youth and went right to work, or to war, etc., but mostly we've been there. I've been there.

So when my 56 years is trying to look out for your next sixty or seventy, you might want to give it some more weight.

Anyway, love you all. I have to go pick up Oma now.

Shabbat was. I overdid it Friday night. I didn't drink that much, but on the back of rowing a marathon, it might have been better not to drink at all. I knew I was doing another half after Shabbat, so I was very good today as well.

I am pissed at the mail carrier. I left a letter in the box on Friday to go out, with the flag up, and the mail carrier did not take it. It is the invite/reminder to the Yakov that Oma is coming back next week and we have lunch. I am thinking of making the last turkey. It is easy and should feed me for a week.

Dahlia told Miriam she needs a break and will not be joining us. I also understand she is played out as far as cards go for a good few months anyway.

Miriam is concerned about mom driving.

I added the daughter of one of my support group people to my sick people list. It is heartbreaking.

I took one of my tree books along to synagogue. I figured I could try to identify some trees on the way. There were a bunch that were obvious, and a bunch that just stumped me. I was a bit frustrated.

I am working my way through the German flashcards though, and that is enjoyable. German gender is wacky. Eye is neuter. Arm is masculine. I know most of the words, or at least have familiarity if I wouldn't have generated them naturally. It's a good exercise.

We're on with George and Phyllis for the fourth, but will have to make our own camp as they've rearranged. I am pretty sure we still have a few inflatable beds. I haven't reached the Fogels yet.

Last Thursday's post, which was the only one for last week, didn't go out and was stuck as a draft. Saves me my first post for this week.

I am going to bed now. I guess I could have done my Sunday row already. I like having more than 20,000 meter daily averages, but Monday is a fast day, and the other ranking pieces I want to row this next two weeks are all shorter.

I still have a cough from last week's thing, but it is managable