Daily thoughts

Death should bother me more. Jesse died six weeks and two days ago. I heard about it in synagogue today. I wondered if I might have been a part of that. I had said or texted something to him must be more than a year ago. It wasn't unkind, or untrue, but it was unnecessary. It was enough that I would have cleaned it up the next time I saw him, but I hadn't seen him. And now he's not.

There is no news about his death that we know. I found a facebook group of his class of 1980, I guess just a few years older than I, that was also sad to see him go, but no news, and shocked. His place of death was Apartment Sidewalk. I don't know if that's a euphemism for jumper. He was apparently depressed since his wife died. I don't know who else he felt he had had.

So I wonder if most of us die at once, or if it mostly happens long before our bodies give up, whether we give up, or we feel the effort isn't worth the return anymore. I don't know that there is anything else to say about it.

The arting seems to go nowhere. I tried to draw a moon the other day, and then a balloon, and then the moon became a very hippy woman, and then I was reminded that I once thought I should change my focus to go into the design of women's spring formalwear. I had all the credits I needed by then anyway.

My cousin Karen says I am like my cousin Jed. He seems to pick up junk everywhere and think it has value as well.

I am sorry I missed your call. Next week we'll bring Shabbat in together, with G-d's help. It will also be Rosh haShannah. I am so tired of the holiday-ing. It's nice that it ends with Sukkhot anyway. That is the best holiday in my estimation.

I ended this week below 230, hitting 227.2 after rowing this morning.

And then I went to mom's and ate junk. The problem is if I eat one chocolate Hershey bite thing, I eat eight or ten. I think I will have to declare these drinking as well. I am just not quite there yet.

So I had a meeting with Mr. Brucker last week. It went well. I shared with him Adam Lerner's Mixed Bag, Joel Pallatin's Farm, and my course. The last didn't go anywhere, but maybe a little.

Adam's idea was to have two people give like twenty minute talks on their area of expertise/interest, unrelated to each other in any way. Then let the audience ask and play in the intersection.

So these are some of my ideas, or maybe they are what I wanted to talk about, I don't remember:

• Arting and Mowing
• Mist and Motorcycles

I have been consistent about my arting. I also mowed too much.

Woof

This was about the Dog Days of Summer Challenge. It went all sorts of places in my mind, like with the interaction with warp, and how this brings texture to our lives, but mostly we just rowed. I hurt myself.

I hurt less now, but maybe not by much. There was pain when I was finishing my forty. My arm didn't want it. I rowed intervals (200m 20 seconds) at the beginning of this week, and now the week is gone, and that is okay. The machine is still set up, and maybe my arm can take a row. We'll see during the call tomorrow.

It didn't happen last week, and I was kind of releived. I don't know if I belong there.

I haven't done any posting in weeks. I did reach out to one person on Facebook posting about how accessible MKs are. You can guess her analysis: Most MKs won't touch it with a ten foot pole.

I have a lot of notes to follow on, but I am up too late again. My legs hurt a little. It could be from the walking, or the too much weeding.

I had a mission to do something tonight. It took me forever to get to it. Then I realized it was mostly done already.

I started the day with a little bit of piano and a little bit of writing. I was in Bridgeport.

I am now in Stamford.

And I am eight pounds more than I weighed when I came home. This makes no sense. Maybe I will wake in time to row.

I missed a certain son, I don't know if it was by a few minutes or closer to an hour. If it had been a few minutes, then my turn too early onto third avenue contributed to that. The funny thing is I don't know if I care. It used to be that my heart would jump a little when he came into a room. I don't think that joy is there anymore. But I talk to other parents and a lot of kids leave their parents in the same place.

I go pray.